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This Quote resonates with Me.

I realized that it’s not about my surroundings. Its me. I’m thinking I’ll be better off changing the things and people that I’m around but I must change myself.

As a therapist I tell clients and friends all the time, take yourself out of the equation and meet and see the person for where they are at. No one is the same nor think the same. So we have to be willing to remove self to truly see people for where they are at.

I’m guilty of not seeing people for where they are at all the time but I am learning to. Everything is a process.

Blessings. Just my thoughts 😊

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What’s the use of patterns? Think about it. 🤔How often do we use patterns? ❤️💙❤️💙❤️

When growing  up you learn how to make patterns. You learn how to make simple patterns to complex patterns. You make short patterns even long ones. You make extended patterns and even make a new pattern.

Does the knowledge of patterns prepare us for the patterns we endure in life.

Now in life we experience patterns. We experience many patterns. We can go through simple patterns like the ones we learn in school and this can consist of our thinking, daily routines , how we handle small situations, and the little quirks about us. Then we have our more complex patterns and these patterns, are our relationships, money, and life. The complex patterns happen as we get older. We can choose to add on to these patterns, omit from them or create an entirely new pattern.

These past few months the theme around me seem to be breaking and creating new patterns. I’ve been breaking patterns and habits and so have many of my friends as well as clients. I’ve found that many people repeat patterns because the outcome is always the same making it familiar and easy to manage. Some people don’t want to break these patterns because of it’s familiarity. What is familiar, helps us feel safe and secure. It’s because we know what’s next.

I use to love familiarity. Always knowing what was happening next helped me be in control. So repeating wasn’t so bad as long as I knew the outcome and I was in control. However, I realized it was a problem, because of this pattern I didn’t know how to adapt to new things being placed on my path. I’d have panic attacks and start thinking the worse possible things ever. I’d cry for days, wanted to be alone, and didn’t know how I was going to adapt. I realized that I needed to change and to learn new patterns of thinking. It all started with my thinking. Once I changed my thinking I changed my patterns. I added and omitted what was or wasn’t working. I felt like a new person. I love change now and love creating new patterns.

There are some patterns I still repeat because I haven’t quite changed that part of thinking that controls this particular behavior. But once I change my thinking, I will create a new behavior and then add to my pattern.

Some patterns are okay to repeat but it must be healthy patterns. Understand that Opportunities may be missed if you stay in a pattern because of its predictability.  If you want change, change your patterns that causes unwanted behaviors.

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So over the past months now. I’ve been  making necessary changes to my life and routines. I’m eating clean now, working out more, meditating daily (sometimes I don’t because I don’t make time for it but now I’m back on track). I’ve gotten my hyperthyroidism together so now my focus back. When my levels are up I lose all my focus and become really irritable. My heart rate is always racing, pressure is up, and I’m mean as all hell.

My heart rate when my levels are up. I know not good at all. I was just sitting down.

I’ve been stable for the past five months now. I truly believe it’s due to me reducing what causes me stress and changing my eating habits. My skin is clearer

I have a lot more energy and I feel like my old self. I’m praying I can continue my progress. Let me rephrase that, I’m confident I will continue with my progress. This is all a part of my growth.

I know many do not agree with me stopping all of my medication but I have not needed them and have chosen a holistic path to my healing. I believe that this was the route for me to go being that during the time the doctors was suppose to give me radiation to shrink my thyroid my blood work can back normal so they did not need to give me the radiation. They can only give you radiation if your level as are high. My levels in a matter of a few days normalized and they explained to me that, that what happened to me has never happened before so I’d said it was definitely a sign.

I’ve read and heard many horror stories about having the thyroid removed and getting radiation. I was advised not go to through with it but I thought maybe I should being that I couldn’t control my symptoms. It appears the universe had a different plan for me. I’m glad things worked out the way they did. My doctor wasn’t too happy. He wanted me to still take medicine when my levels wasn’t up. The Physician assistant was trying to talk to him and tell him that he should allow me to go an all natural way if that’s my choosing being that research shows it can go away naturally. He was not having it and neither was I. I haven’t been back since. I only see my primary doctor now. He listens to my concerns and allows me to take the best approach for me while monitoring my health.

Make sure you get a doctor who listens and not tell you what to do.

I’ve also stopped putting harsh Chemicals in my hair. I’m all natural. No more relaxers that will fry my scalp and brain. 😍.

Relax vs. Natural.

I’m loving the skin I’m in.

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It’s hard being yourself. It’s even harder trying to define who you are and what makes you, you. Ones life purpose is not easily discovered but in time it is revealed. 

I’m not sure how I got here but I knew that my son would be a reason why I became the woman I am today. I some how  knew that the changes I would make would be as a result of me becoming a mom. 

In this picture you’ll see something I viewed while walking down the street. You’ll also see me. I blended the two pictures and added some words to described what I was thinking at that moment.  

People say be perfect because of the degrees you obtained and how hard you worked to get where you are but they treat me as if I am not flawed. I am flawed like everyone else. It doesn’t matter what I have achieved I am no better than the next person. 

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As long as you are you

You are perfect as you are. 

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This years birthday to me is a milestone. It’s my 35th birthday. I have mixed emotions right now. As I mentioned before one of my really good friend is not longer here and I miss him dearly. Like clockwork he would text me at midnight to wish me a happy birthday. I missed that this year. However my brother got me first this year with the Happy Birthday text. A few years ago we started this thing to see who can say Happy Birthday first. I got him the first few years. This year and last year he got me. 
You see! He got me. 

I’m not feeling well which is probably how he was able to text me first. I try to get him in the middle of the night. It wasn’t happening this year. I took some theraflu and off to bed I went. I’m just hoping I’m better by Saturday for my birthday. Let me rephrase that I will be better by Saturday for my party.

I can’t wait. In celebrating my self I want to celebrate womanhood. For so long I wanted to have the ideal body type and to be what tv said was the perfect women. I’ve learned through the years to be my own perfect woman. I’m not perefect but I am me. In getting ready for this party I lost  70lbs… I went from 285 – 215. I wanted to get to 200 by the time of the party. However, I’m satisfied with my progress thus far. I will continue once the party is over. I’m truly happy with myself and I’m proud of myself. 

My party will be a boudoir photo shoot party. I want the females in my life to embrace who they are no matter what size they are. I want them to truly accept themselves as is. It took me a long time to get here and now that I’m here I want them to get there. The day will be spent talking about girl stuff, sharing beauty tips and secrets, encouraging one another, and helping each other. Each female will receive a personalize gift from me that hopefully will continue to inspire the woman they are. Many say I went a little over board for my party and maybe I did. The take away is what makes it all worth it. For each of them to know they had a role in helping me become the woman I am today. I want them to know what they mean to me and others. I want them to also know that they are thought of. 

We as people try to live up to others perception of us . It’s too many perceptions to live up to. So just live up to you own and be you! 

Have a good day guys! 

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So Justin and my niece told me that I’m on my phone too much. We went to visit her because she’s home from college for a few days. When she left for school Justin was shorter than her and now he’s five inches taller. Again, he’s going to be tall like his dad. 

Here’s some photos from our visit since I’m on the phone too much

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Sometimes we can get a little antsy with life. Take a step back and reevaluate yourself and realize that everything takes time. I’m guilty of wanting to rush what I want but when you wait what you wanted will be ten times grander than what it was before. So I’ll wait and continue to preservere while it manifest. 

Don’t Rush. Have Patience. Believe. Create. Manifest. 

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Once again! I’m awake in the middle of the night and need to sleep because I’ve been without good sleep a few nights this week. I have a lot going on. As I said before I’m a teacher and a therapist. So, I work a lot.  I’m also planning my 35th Birthday party. Which is in 12 days. Well the party is my birthday is in 8 days. I’m so indecisive over what I actually want to do. I just know that I want everyone who attends to enjoy themselves and be happy. 

I could also be up because my body is use to getting up around this time and because I have a lot of stuff on my mind. What to do? What to do? Hmmm, I know what to do I just haven’t done it yet… I do need to make some changes. I need to change the way I am there for people. I bend over backwards for people. I give a lot of my time to people. Have I ever really gotten things in return. No. Well not from them. Others? Yes! I don’t want to be selfish but I need to be. I need to examine every relationship I have with people and question. 

Do they give me what I give them? 

Do they always answer when I text in time of need?  

Do they go out their way for me? 

Now that’s the question. Do they go out their way for me?  I’ve honestly only had maybe a few people go out their way for me.  I get it, not everyone is like me. I go above and beyond to make people happy… Their happiness is what makes me happy. But…… 

Hmmm, I’m thinking to much right now. It’s 3am. I need to be asleep. 

I know what I will do. 

I’ll just meditate. 

Sometimes you have to remove yourself from your thoughts to get an answer.