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In life everything is a give and take or some form of trade off. If there is no equal give and take, or trade off then then an unbalance occurs. When an unbalance occurs, balance seeks order. It’s seeks order not to control but so that all things are fair.

I’m feeling a little off balanced. I have been feeling this way for a few months now. I realized why this week and I’m finally starting to do something about it. I haven’t focused on myself the way I should be. I’ve been focused on being there for people emotionally and physically that I have stopped being there for myself. I cannot fault or blame them for my feelings of unbalance simply because I allow it. I allow my need for always wanting to be there for others overshadow what I need to do for myself.

My goal now is to get balanced and focus on me.

Happy Saturday!

Are you balanced?!

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So here’s an update of my progress.

So far I’m down 4lbs in 8 days. 😊👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾. I’m very proud of myself. I believed I’ve hit a plateau but I guess I did not. I’m glad to see progress no matter how small it is. So I am now 232. My goal is 210 by my birthday in 27 days. I may not reach the goal by my target 🎯 date but it will be reached no matter what. I won’t give up on myself.

I still have been eating late and that’s only because I haven’t been eating much during the day. But I have been working out, Meditating, and Practicing Mindfulness daily. It feels good to be consistent with things and make the changes I wish to make for myself.

Continue to wish me luck!!! I’ll be back with an update in a few day

What’s the use of patterns? Think about it. 🤔How often do we use patterns? ❤️💙❤️💙❤️

When growing  up you learn how to make patterns. You learn how to make simple patterns to complex patterns. You make short patterns even long ones. You make extended patterns and even make a new pattern.

Does the knowledge of patterns prepare us for the patterns we endure in life.

Now in life we experience patterns. We experience many patterns. We can go through simple patterns like the ones we learn in school and this can consist of our thinking, daily routines , how we handle small situations, and the little quirks about us. Then we have our more complex patterns and these patterns, are our relationships, money, and life. The complex patterns happen as we get older. We can choose to add on to these patterns, omit from them or create an entirely new pattern.

These past few months the theme around me seem to be breaking and creating new patterns. I’ve been breaking patterns and habits and so have many of my friends as well as clients. I’ve found that many people repeat patterns because the outcome is always the same making it familiar and easy to manage. Some people don’t want to break these patterns because of it’s familiarity. What is familiar, helps us feel safe and secure. It’s because we know what’s next.

I use to love familiarity. Always knowing what was happening next helped me be in control. So repeating wasn’t so bad as long as I knew the outcome and I was in control. However, I realized it was a problem, because of this pattern I didn’t know how to adapt to new things being placed on my path. I’d have panic attacks and start thinking the worse possible things ever. I’d cry for days, wanted to be alone, and didn’t know how I was going to adapt. I realized that I needed to change and to learn new patterns of thinking. It all started with my thinking. Once I changed my thinking I changed my patterns. I added and omitted what was or wasn’t working. I felt like a new person. I love change now and love creating new patterns.

There are some patterns I still repeat because I haven’t quite changed that part of thinking that controls this particular behavior. But once I change my thinking, I will create a new behavior and then add to my pattern.

Some patterns are okay to repeat but it must be healthy patterns. Understand that Opportunities may be missed if you stay in a pattern because of its predictability.  If you want change, change your patterns that causes unwanted behaviors.

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So over the past months now. I’ve been  making necessary changes to my life and routines. I’m eating clean now, working out more, meditating daily (sometimes I don’t because I don’t make time for it but now I’m back on track). I’ve gotten my hyperthyroidism together so now my focus back. When my levels are up I lose all my focus and become really irritable. My heart rate is always racing, pressure is up, and I’m mean as all hell.

My heart rate when my levels are up. I know not good at all. I was just sitting down.

I’ve been stable for the past five months now. I truly believe it’s due to me reducing what causes me stress and changing my eating habits. My skin is clearer

I have a lot more energy and I feel like my old self. I’m praying I can continue my progress. Let me rephrase that, I’m confident I will continue with my progress. This is all a part of my growth.

I know many do not agree with me stopping all of my medication but I have not needed them and have chosen a holistic path to my healing. I believe that this was the route for me to go being that during the time the doctors was suppose to give me radiation to shrink my thyroid my blood work can back normal so they did not need to give me the radiation. They can only give you radiation if your level as are high. My levels in a matter of a few days normalized and they explained to me that, that what happened to me has never happened before so I’d said it was definitely a sign.

I’ve read and heard many horror stories about having the thyroid removed and getting radiation. I was advised not go to through with it but I thought maybe I should being that I couldn’t control my symptoms. It appears the universe had a different plan for me. I’m glad things worked out the way they did. My doctor wasn’t too happy. He wanted me to still take medicine when my levels wasn’t up. The Physician assistant was trying to talk to him and tell him that he should allow me to go an all natural way if that’s my choosing being that research shows it can go away naturally. He was not having it and neither was I. I haven’t been back since. I only see my primary doctor now. He listens to my concerns and allows me to take the best approach for me while monitoring my health.

Make sure you get a doctor who listens and not tell you what to do.

I’ve also stopped putting harsh Chemicals in my hair. I’m all natural. No more relaxers that will fry my scalp and brain. 😍.

Relax vs. Natural.

I’m loving the skin I’m in.

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Some decisions are hard to make but when you make your finally decision. There is nothing more rewarding than knowing you made the decision for you.

Justin had a hard decision to make two weeks ago. He wanted to join Marching Band for his first year of High School. Yup! I now have a high school student. He missed several practices in July due to going home for the summer with his Dad. So August 14 was his first day of March Band Camp, it was a long day and boy oh boy, was he exhausted. He complained and I calmly listened and told him to think about things and give Marching Band a chance at least for the first week. He agreed, prepared for the next day and then got ready for bed.

I felt a little uneasy when I woke up in the morning. Couldn’t put my finger on exactly why I was feeling that way until both Justin and I walked out the door. You see, marching band practice is right in our backyard. Well his old school is, it’s so close it only takes Justin two minutes to get there. As I’m walking to the car, Justin is walking to practice, my mommy radar kicked in on high alert. I knew I had to remain calm because he was in a crisis and he needed help deciding what to do.

So I took a deep breath and asked him what’s wrong. He said ” I’m late and I don’t want to get in trouble”, he’s breathing really fast while he’s saying this. He’s also hiding so they can’t see him. I said okay, “what would you like to do?”, He said ” I want to go home, I don’t think I want to do this anymore.” I gave him a hug and told him to go home and relax and to not worry about things I’ll email the teacher. He thanked me about a millions times 😊.

I emailed the teacher letting her know about Justin’s feelings, she asked if we can meet and I agreed. Before we can meet the teacher Justin received so many text messages from his band mates. Some messages was nice and some not so nice. I was pissed because these messages was making Justin’s decision even harder to make. I’ll admit so of his mates were supportive while others were very mean.

When I mentioned this to the Marching Band Teacher it was passed off as just kids being kids. I get that but we need to teach our children to be supportive and to not make other children feel bad about making decisions for their future. After talking to his past Band Teacher and now his current teacher Justin decided to stay.

He made the decision on his own. I took his phone away so he can clearly think without the criticism or judgment. I listened to his feelings and reservations about being apart of marching band. He was happy with his decision and for now decided to only do it this school year.

I’m proud he made the best decision for him.

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I’ve decided to write Justin short letter picture quotes from me. I would like for it to be some thing that he can read throughout life to know my thinking process as his mom and to use it for encouragement when life gets the bear of him. Life wasn’t always easy for us and to this day we still have our moments. The world around us seem to be cruel and unfair to those of color. Some may not agree or thing so but it’s the truth.

As Justin watch the news he have questions that are only right for him to ask. Why are things so unfair for those who are black? Why are so many black people being murdered by cops? Why are black people judged so much when people of other races can do the same thing we do? The list of why’s continues. Some days I have straight forward answers while other days I don’t because I get frustrated having to explain to my son that life isn’t fair to people of color due to history. Some history isn’t told accurately while others is. I also explain to him that just because society is filled with greed, hate, and people’s need to control. We don’t stoop down to ignorance because we are better than what we are hated for.

Despite, what I say the world displays reasons why he should still question things and be mindful when he leaves the house, because life just isn’t fair to blacks no matter how free we are.

Happy Reading Justin.

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Today I got to be there for a friend I haven't spoken to in years. We were the best of friends and still is. I did feel some type of way because we haven't spoke and I've always reached out and never heard back from her. After, speaking to her today I now understand why. She truly had a lot going on and allowed her Pride to get the best of her. I share her struggle because I too at times allow my pride to get the best of me. I listened as she shared with me what's going on. I provided her with words of encouragement and let her know that I love her and will always be there for her.

You truly never know what a person is going through no matter how much you think you know them.

It's nice being able to listen without Judgement and to be fully present and there for a person.

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In the Night of the Moon.
She Embraced her Inner and Outer Beauty.
She Fell in Love with Herself.
For it was not easy to Love Every Aspect of her Skin.
But She Learned and Slowly Allowed Her Feelings To Be.
She Knew that She must First Adore Herself Within.
Now that She's in Love.
She Can't Seem to Let Go Of
All She's Was Destined to Become
All Because She Fell In Love With Herself.

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Speak up for those with no voice.
Speak up for those with a voice
Speak up for this who are defenseless.
Speak up for those who need you to speak up for them.
Speak up for change.
Speak up for Self.
Speak up for Family.
Speak up for Friends.
Speak up for Strangers.
Speak up for what you Believe in
Speak up for what is not Right or Fair.
Speak up because it's the Right thing to do.
Speak up because you Care.

There are times when we see or hear of things happening and we just walk by. We even continue with life as if it never existed. When we know what is going.Don't just let things happen to you, family, or strangers. Speak up. Someone may need you to be there for them.

Hope is Light

Last night Justin came to me and said “Mom take a picture of me holding this candle lit”. I said, “Okay”. He knows about the blog and loves the idea that I share our story with others. I took the picture. I was curious to know what the light meant to him. I asked him about it. He said, “Hope is Light”. I replied, “Interesting”. Then I asked, “But how?” He replied, “Hope is in the light because it can be a path for a bright future”. I hurried to grab my phone and asked him to repeat himself. He repeated that profound statement and then asked,”Are you putting that on the blog?” I responded with, “I sure am!”
“Hope is Light” ~J.W.C.