So over the past months now. I’ve been  making necessary changes to my life and routines. I’m eating clean now, working out more, meditating daily (sometimes I don’t because I don’t make time for it but now I’m back on track). I’ve gotten my hyperthyroidism together so now my focus back. When my levels are up I lose all my focus and become really irritable. My heart rate is always racing, pressure is up, and I’m mean as all hell.

My heart rate when my levels are up. I know not good at all. I was just sitting down.

I’ve been stable for the past five months now. I truly believe it’s due to me reducing what causes me stress and changing my eating habits. My skin is clearer

I have a lot more energy and I feel like my old self. I’m praying I can continue my progress. Let me rephrase that, I’m confident I will continue with my progress. This is all a part of my growth.

I know many do not agree with me stopping all of my medication but I have not needed them and have chosen a holistic path to my healing. I believe that this was the route for me to go being that during the time the doctors was suppose to give me radiation to shrink my thyroid my blood work can back normal so they did not need to give me the radiation. They can only give you radiation if your level as are high. My levels in a matter of a few days normalized and they explained to me that, that what happened to me has never happened before so I’d said it was definitely a sign.

I’ve read and heard many horror stories about having the thyroid removed and getting radiation. I was advised not go to through with it but I thought maybe I should being that I couldn’t control my symptoms. It appears the universe had a different plan for me. I’m glad things worked out the way they did. My doctor wasn’t too happy. He wanted me to still take medicine when my levels wasn’t up. The Physician assistant was trying to talk to him and tell him that he should allow me to go an all natural way if that’s my choosing being that research shows it can go away naturally. He was not having it and neither was I. I haven’t been back since. I only see my primary doctor now. He listens to my concerns and allows me to take the best approach for me while monitoring my health.

Make sure you get a doctor who listens and not tell you what to do.

I’ve also stopped putting harsh Chemicals in my hair. I’m all natural. No more relaxers that will fry my scalp and brain. 😍.

Relax vs. Natural.

I’m loving the skin I’m in.

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Keena's Moments, Reflections, spirituality

Naturally Me! Getting My Hyperthyroidism Under Control.

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Keena's Moments, Moments, Reflections

No Word

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I’ve decided to write Justin short letter picture quotes from me. I would like for it to be some thing that he can read throughout life to know my thinking process as his mom and to use it for encouragement when life gets the bear of him. Life wasn’t always easy for us and to this day we still have our moments. The world around us seem to be cruel and unfair to those of color. Some may not agree or thing so but it’s the truth.

As Justin watch the news he have questions that are only right for him to ask. Why are things so unfair for those who are black? Why are so many black people being murdered by cops? Why are black people judged so much when people of other races can do the same thing we do? The list of why’s continues. Some days I have straight forward answers while other days I don’t because I get frustrated having to explain to my son that life isn’t fair to people of color due to history. Some history isn’t told accurately while others is. I also explain to him that just because society is filled with greed, hate, and people’s need to control. We don’t stoop down to ignorance because we are better than what we are hated for.

Despite, what I say the world displays reasons why he should still question things and be mindful when he leaves the house, because life just isn’t fair to blacks no matter how free we are.

Happy Reading Justin.

Autism, Keena's Moments, Reflections

Dear Black Son

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I’ve recently came across a poet/writer and fell in love with his work immediately. His words are inspiring and captivating to me .

Below is some of his quotes. You can find him on Facebook and Instagram. Please check him out. 😊

quotes

JmStorm

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For the past four years I've known I wanted to pursue my Doctorates just haven't quite made the time for it. Now I have made the time and will be making the resources available for myself to do so.

Sometimes we have to sacrifice the little things in order to get to greater things in life.

At this moment I'm applying to school and taking the necessary steps to get to my next level. I know I'll get there. It's just a matter of time. My goals is to complete my Doctorates by the time my son graduates High School. I know it's a goal that's going to be a challenge due to my schedule but it's a goal I'm willing to put to the test.

I will do this and give it my all.

Future: Dr. K White

Autism, Keena's Moments, Reflections

I’m Ready

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" I'm proud of you"… Not to many people will let you know that they are proud of you. Because you accomplish so much they feel that you should automatically be proud of yourself. It's not that you're not proud of yourself. It sometimes just mean the world to hear it from those you love, care about, or is proud of too. To hear these words from a good friend meant the world to me today. It wasn't much but it was everything. My friendship with this person reminded me of why I push so hard to be where I am today and where I will be in the future. I refuse to give up. It's okay to let people know you're rooting for them and you're proud of them. We don't say it enough to each other.

Autism, Keena's Moments, quotes, Reflections

I’m Proud

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Today I got to be there for a friend I haven't spoken to in years. We were the best of friends and still is. I did feel some type of way because we haven't spoke and I've always reached out and never heard back from her. After, speaking to her today I now understand why. She truly had a lot going on and allowed her Pride to get the best of her. I share her struggle because I too at times allow my pride to get the best of me. I listened as she shared with me what's going on. I provided her with words of encouragement and let her know that I love her and will always be there for her.

You truly never know what a person is going through no matter how much you think you know them.

It's nice being able to listen without Judgement and to be fully present and there for a person.

Keena's Moments

Be There

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In life we think of many things. We contemplate. What shall I do next? Who should I give my heart to? What should I major in? Should I get a new car? Should I get my own place? Should I tell so and so how I feel? Should I care what people think of me? The list of continues and goes on. I contemplate over things daily. I only contemplate just for a brief moment then I make my decision. Well, that's only for simple problems but for bigger issues. The comtemplation may go on for days maybe months. Never into years. No contemplation is worth that long of a thought. Contemplating should only be temporary nothing long term.

It should however be continuous.

How do you contemplate?

Autism

Contemplate 

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So, I've been told I talk too much. Which is true at times. It all depends on who I'm around or my comfort level. If I am not comfortable I won't say a word. If I am then you'll hear my mouth. I won't talk your ear off but I'll definitely like to hold a conversation.

Now, when asked to talk in front of a crowd of people my FEAR keeps my 🤐 SHUT. I would find ways to get out of having to talk to a room full of people. I can't say that I don't know why it is because I do. It all stems from my childhood. Hell, everything stems from our childhood or tragic moment, doesn't it. Im Just saying.

My fear of public speaking began when I was in the 3rd Grade. I'll admit it, I was a talker. I didn't shut up for nothing. I participated in plays. I was one of the first ones to raise my hand because I knew the answers, I always wanted to read for the class. I enjoyed expressing what I knew until it got me into trouble. When it was time for Parent Teacher Conferences my teacher told my mom the only issue she has with me is that I TALK TOO MUCH! My mother wasn't so happy with me. She gave me a long talk and told me to " Stop running your mouth in class, school is for you to learn not just for you to be running your mouth"

So, I listened and I stopped talking. My confidence went down. I didn't want to participate in any school plays or class room activities. My participation grade dropped drastically from that point on. Each school year it got worse. Even in college it was hard to do presentations because I became a nervous wreck when it came to talking in front of a class.

I remember being put into a class because they thought something was wrong with me. I was pulled out for some type of class. I believe it was a english or reading class where we had to read and go over things. It wasn't that I didn't know the work I just didn't have the drive to do it anymore. I didn't want to be the motor mouth or know it all anymore.

One year I was placed in a spelling bee challenge because I passed all my spelling test and I knew all the words. However, we had to go on a stage and prove in front of the entire school. I purposely spelled Spaghetti wrong so that I can sit down. I was laughed at because I spelled it wrong and boy oh boy I wasn't able to live it down. Little did they know I spelled it wrong on purpose. I knew all the words that was presented. I would have won the trophy but what was the point.

I know that sucks but it's what I told myself to make it through school (What was the point) . I still got good grades and made the Honor Roll but the one thing I didn't do well at anymore was classroom participation. In college I kinda made up for it because I had to talk but I made sure I sat in the back and I wasn't as noticeable. I'd do presentations first only so that I can get them over with. During a presentation my body goes through an anxiety attack. First it starts with my heart racing, followed by sweaty hands. Then, my mouth gets extremely dry. I can barely talk. I want to run and hide. It seems like time has slowed down and everyone is judging me. I can't take everyone looking at me. So I talk faster and faster. The professors always say " Keena slow down and take your time" I'd slow down briefly and then I speed up just so I can sit down and feel normal again.

My fear still remains the same. I still talk but like I said not as much and only when I'm comfortable. I plan on shifting my fear and talking as much as I want to so that I can educate people. I feel that speaking is apart of my life and who I am. I know it may bother some while others appreciate it. I don't talk to talk annoy people. I talk to express myself like everyone else

Slowly but surely I will reduce my fears. I will speak in front of large crowds and I will not care what others think. I'm here for a reason and Speaking is apart of my Purpose

Be You! Live Your Purpose! Overcome Your Fears!

Autism

Overcoming A Fear of Speaking ….But I Talk Too Much

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Keena's Moments

Day to Day

These past few weeks have been really challenging for the both of us. We knew Justin’s in-home counseling services would end soon. However, we were not expecting my new diagnosis. At least I was not expecting it.  I knew that I wasn’t feeling like myself but dismissed it as the day to day hormonal things women go through. The thing is my hormones are usually balanced and I am never really irritable because of my meditation practices. I am typically a calm person who has their moments from time to time, but they are very seldom.

I do not like how I feel. I feel like I do not know myself. Its hard to focus on meditating when your mind and body wants to run all day long. I was truly depressed recently. I have been upset that I had a hard time sitting down to write a post. It took me one week to write one post when normally it takes me several hours to write three. As I said before, my body would shake uncontrollably making it hard to type and or write. I would lose my train of thought when I was writing and would forget to sit down and write. I was irritable with myself and  especially angry at my symptoms. I know that what I have been experiencing is all due to my diagnosis. I am happy to say I am finally on medicine and my symptoms are being maintained. In a few weeks I will have to come off my medicine so more tests can be run to find out the root cause of my condition. I know I will not be happy about it but I plan on finding things that I can do to reduce my symptoms. So far I found foods that will reduce my  thyroid gland from producing too much hormone. Also, meditation will help me during those moments to when I want to pull my hair out.

This is a new journey for not only me, but for Justin. On top of dealing with me and my moods he has been dealing with the lost of his counselor and behavioral assistant. It seemed like all of the strategies that were taught to him went straight out the door the day following their last day. He’s been in a bad mood and everything someone says to him at school annoys him. I’ll admit I have been annoyed with his moodiness. It’s hard dealing with your child’s emotions while you’re trying to maintain your own emotions that you have no control over. I’ve apologized to  Justin several time for my “ I’m not having that ” rants. I am blessed that he understands what I am going through.

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