Many say that I am defiant. Defiant in both a good and bad way.
It’s just… I like doing the opposite of what people say that I shouldn’t do or can’t do.
My defiance is what helps me defy the odds.
My defiance is a good quality I possess because I will defy any odd by not listening to what people think I should do or suggest how I should live my life.
I am Defiant and Proud. ~ DoctorK
Years ago. Every summer I would plan a one or two week hide out or secret vacation for me and Justin. Sometimes I'd stay local and other times I went far. I wouldn't tell anyone where I was going. I would just go. I'd pack our things up and off we went to enjoy quiet time alone. I'd bring boat loads of books, snacks, and toys with me. I loved sitting in the sun to read. I made sure I wasn't as available but enough to be available if I was truly needed.
Taking time was my way of escaping our hectic daily routine. It was our get away from therapy, work, school work, and everyone. We needed these breaks because as I said before we had a hectic daily routine. Our day would began at 5am and end 9pm or 10pm.
I would awaken first because I knew getting Justin ready would take a great deal of time given his rituals of starring at the light and watching at least one of his shows repeatedly. He'd at least watch it 3 or 4 times by the time we left the house. It was also a struggle because of his sensory issue. Justin wasn't a fan of lotion or soft textures. So I would have to prepare myself for the screams and fighting he was about to do just because I needed to put lotion on him. I eventually became a pro because I started to get him dress while he was asleep and backwards, this way he didn't know what I was doing. It worked for a while.
Now it's time for breakfast. I never knew what he wanted to eat. So I would open the fridge and let him pick it. It was our way of communicating. Then I had to keep in mind after I made his food to leave the room. My little child did not want me to watch him eat or assist him with eating. If I stayed in the kitchen while he ate. The food would be all over the kitchen or he would have thrown it at me. So I'd leave right after making sure he was okay. After he finished eating he would come to me so I can cut the VCR on so that he can watch one of his shows. I'd put it on and take a few minutes to go over our day.
As mentioned, our days were long. While I was at work he was at school. Then after school and work, we had therapy. I say we because I learned just as much as he learned while in session. Justin had a therapy session every day after school. It was either, Speech, Occupational Therapy, or Play Therapy. We didn't live close to our appointments, so I'd have a lot of driving to do. Once the appointment was over, I'd have to drop Justin off home to my mom and then I was off to class. Yes, I said class. I was a full-time student for both my degrees. I don't know how I did it. I just did it. I'd go to class for about two to four hours depending on my schedule and what day of the week it was. Some days I'd have one class others I had two. I wouldn't get home until about 9 or 10 o'clock. Sometimes, Justin would be sleep and other times he would be wide awake. Justin needed to see me before going to bed. Seeing his face after a long day always made what I was doing for our future worth it. 
This is why I planned get aways. I would plan them in the summer or right when I knew Justin was about to have a transition and I needed to prepare myself mentally for it. I hated transitions, Justin did too. I knew that the behaviors were coming. So I'd create the calm before the storm. It helped a great deal having that time alone right before things got out of hand. I liked to always be one step ahead. Even though one can never truly be one step ahead when dealing with unpredictable behaviors. I'm sure many parents can relate. During our time away. He played with his toys. We read books together. We put puzzles together. We went for walks. We went to the pool. It was a week with no electronics.
Which is why no one could get a hold of me. 😊
It was peaceful
I stopped our getaways when my family became concerned (My mom scolded me for going away and not saying anything 😔) and when Justin's Dad came back into the picture. I wish I hadn't because it stopped our mommy and son summer routine.
However, I plan to get it back. Starting this week. I will be using electronics here and there just so that I can post to the blog and get back on track with a few other things. Justin will be home on Sunday and I will be off for the next few weeks.
So we will have our time together 😍
Remember to always take time for you. There is nothing wrong with time alone. Just clear your head and get away.
Taking Time
So I was in the kitchen cooking dinner last Friday. Justin was walks in and ask if we bought some more apple cider. I informed him we did. So he smiles this big smile as if he got a birthday gift. All I could do is laugh at him. I finally finished dinner and he walks in and immediately grabs a large glass. I say ” Justin you are not going to drink half the bottle of cider are you?”. He laughs this big laughs and says ” You know mom I’m like a vacuum I suck everything up”. Once again all I could do is laugh at him. This good is his own comedian. So, I asked him “where did you here that joke from?” He said “oh I made it up”. I then say to him “did you really?” He said ” “yea, one day in school. We had a pizza party and two of the boys left the classroom. So I told my friends who were still at the table with me they better hurry up and get their pieces because I’m like a vacuum I’m gonna suck things up”. I laughed a big laugh and shook my head.
So I’m driving home from work. I call Justin as usual to see how his day was at school. So he gives me the run down about his day. I say out loud ” I need to stop and get some gas”. He out of no where says “Why don’t you just let me fart in the gas tank”. I’m thinking to myself did this boy really just say that. Just imagine 🙄if you can pass gas into your gas tank to refuel your car. Hmmm….
When Justin laughs, I laugh. Have you ever met or known a person who has a laugh that is so funny all you can go is laugh at it? Justin has that type of laugh. The laugh comes when he finds something to be very comical. Tom and Jerry, America’s Funniest Videos, and Madtv are some of the shows that have him cracking up. I had a rough day at work last week. As I was sitting in the living room, getting ready to meditate to clear my head from the day, Justin burst out of nowhere with a laugh. As soon as I heard him laugh, I smiled and laughed with him. His laugh makes my day.
In addition to laughing at shows. He laughs to himself. When I hear and see him laughing I always ask, “why are you laughing?” He says, I have a movie in my brain and I’m just watching what’s funny. Sometimes I wish I could be in his brain with him so that I can see what he is laughing at. I enjoy how he knows what makes him smile and laugh. All it takes is just a memory to play and there he goes laughing away.
So, yesterday I woke Justin up about twenty minutes later than he normally wakes up. I knew he was gonna be in a bad mood but I was prepared to deal with it. I use laughter as a coping mechanism to keep myself calm and so I don’t get upset with him. Justin hates when I laugh at him. I don’t laugh at him to hurt his feelings. I just laugh to help him relax and to help him to laugh at things instead of being so anxious.
Just last year he was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. It was a challenging time before this new diagnosis. He was and had to be perfect. I know no one is perfect. But in Justin’s mind, everything has to be perfect and he had to be perfect. I try to remind him daily that we all make mistakes and that no one is perfect. I still have a lot more convincing to do.
So, back to the story! Justin walked back and forth through the house after I woke him up. He huffed and sighed as he walked. I knew that based on the time I got him up and hearing him sigh repeatedly, he was not a happy camper. It took until his seventh pace before he stopped asked angrily, "Can you please wake me up early?" I immediately said sure, making sure I didn’t laugh until he left my sight. Justin is so predictable. I love that about him. I know his ticks.
Because Justin is a perfectionist in his own way. He has to wake up early so he can have some relaxing time before we leave for school. He even has to arrive to school early so he can have time alone to himself before the rest of the children arrive. He loves to be punctual. If he’s late for anything, Boy oh boy, do I hear it! 🙂
I truly love this kid! I love his autism just like he does. The other day he said to me, “I love the fact that I have autism! I’m proud to have it”. I’m amazed at the things he says. I ❤️ his perfect imperfections.
Autism Psychology Spirituality 