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Today is day two of my water 💦 fast.

Last night my head was killing. I’m not going to lie I wanted to eat just so that I could relieve the pain but I didn’t. I meditated and then took a shower for about an hour. I also meditated in the shower, it definitely helped a great deal. I felt so at is and it probably because my focus was not on my pain but on my breath.

This morning I did feel a little nauseous but a drink of water helped me feel better. Justin really doesn’t like it when I feel bad. He tried to cater to my every need but he knows I am fasting, so the only thing he could do is bring me a class of water. 😊

I must say I had a lot of clarity last night. Visions of the future appeared to me. I have a lot to look forward to and is excited about it.

Oh I forgot, day two last time was horrible. I was weak barely wanted to get up out of bed. I couldn’t even do my workout until later that evening. Because out of no where at the end of the day I got this burst of energy and completed a full body workout. I felt great after I completed my workout. I was ready for the next day. I didn’t get a workout in this morning but I will this evening.

I got this!! Motivated to keep going

Happy Tuesday 😘

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So here’s an update of my progress.

So far I’m down 4lbs in 8 days. 😊👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾. I’m very proud of myself. I believed I’ve hit a plateau but I guess I did not. I’m glad to see progress no matter how small it is. So I am now 232. My goal is 210 by my birthday in 27 days. I may not reach the goal by my target 🎯 date but it will be reached no matter what. I won’t give up on myself.

I still have been eating late and that’s only because I haven’t been eating much during the day. But I have been working out, Meditating, and Practicing Mindfulness daily. It feels good to be consistent with things and make the changes I wish to make for myself.

Continue to wish me luck!!! I’ll be back with an update in a few day

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So over the past months now. I’ve been  making necessary changes to my life and routines. I’m eating clean now, working out more, meditating daily (sometimes I don’t because I don’t make time for it but now I’m back on track). I’ve gotten my hyperthyroidism together so now my focus back. When my levels are up I lose all my focus and become really irritable. My heart rate is always racing, pressure is up, and I’m mean as all hell.

My heart rate when my levels are up. I know not good at all. I was just sitting down.

I’ve been stable for the past five months now. I truly believe it’s due to me reducing what causes me stress and changing my eating habits. My skin is clearer

I have a lot more energy and I feel like my old self. I’m praying I can continue my progress. Let me rephrase that, I’m confident I will continue with my progress. This is all a part of my growth.

I know many do not agree with me stopping all of my medication but I have not needed them and have chosen a holistic path to my healing. I believe that this was the route for me to go being that during the time the doctors was suppose to give me radiation to shrink my thyroid my blood work can back normal so they did not need to give me the radiation. They can only give you radiation if your level as are high. My levels in a matter of a few days normalized and they explained to me that, that what happened to me has never happened before so I’d said it was definitely a sign.

I’ve read and heard many horror stories about having the thyroid removed and getting radiation. I was advised not go to through with it but I thought maybe I should being that I couldn’t control my symptoms. It appears the universe had a different plan for me. I’m glad things worked out the way they did. My doctor wasn’t too happy. He wanted me to still take medicine when my levels wasn’t up. The Physician assistant was trying to talk to him and tell him that he should allow me to go an all natural way if that’s my choosing being that research shows it can go away naturally. He was not having it and neither was I. I haven’t been back since. I only see my primary doctor now. He listens to my concerns and allows me to take the best approach for me while monitoring my health.

Make sure you get a doctor who listens and not tell you what to do.

I’ve also stopped putting harsh Chemicals in my hair. I’m all natural. No more relaxers that will fry my scalp and brain. 😍.

Relax vs. Natural.

I’m loving the skin I’m in.

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In life we get annoyed by the little things when we should appreciate them. I'm learning to appreciate every moment and experience I encounter whether wanted or not. Saturday night I received a text from an ex and he wanted to know what happen, and why we didn't work out. I stated what I believe went wrong and how I felt throughout the relationship. He immediately got defensive and told me that I was wrong 😤. Communication was our biggest issue mixed with our egos. Boy oh boy! We'd say how we felt never really listening to one another. It was like being in a constant war from sunup to Sundown. It got to the point to where I never wanted to be home, never felt appreciated, my self esteem was lost, and I lost all sight of who I was meant to be.

Having this discussion with him brought back so many unwanted feelings and memories. It was one of my darkest moments. I never thought LOVE could have you feeling so HATEFUL and HATED. I hated who I was while in this relationship. I did everything in my power to save my relationship with him because I wasn't getting younger and everyone around me was either married, dating, and in a relationship. So I dealt with it. Because I needed to fit in and was worried about what people will think of me. I stayed in a unhealthy situation that caused me to go into depression. I never thought about myself. It was always about what others wanted and how I didn't want them to perceive me. On the OUTSIDE it looked like I was all together. I maintained the look of success and happiness, while getting lost in the perception of society. On the INSIDE I was screaming for help going through a world of mixed emotions. I wanted a fairy godmother to magically save me from the HELL I was enduring.

It took months for me to SAVE MYSELF. It was when I Developed a MEDITATION practice I began to see things differently. I knew that my situation was not how life was suppose to be.
I was not Meant to succumb to my surroundings and be like others. I was meant to be MYSELF. My PATH is not one with THEM but with ME. I watched people stay in miserable relationships because of the fear of thoughts and perceptions. One day , I woke up and I said I chose to be happy. I remember that day so clearly. It was the best feeling in the world. I ended things with my ex that day. He wasn't so happy and I was so nervous because thoughts started to creep but I knew that this isn't what life is about.

Life isn't about being miserable. It's about being Happy. It's about Being able to Be You! It's about Loving Yourself! It's being at Peace no matter what.

I knew my new journey would not be easy because I would miss our routine. We shared a lot of time together and we made our lives one. However, the feeling of starting over made it all so easy. It felt good not being in a dark place. It felt good to finally be happy. It felt good to feel again. It felt nice for Justin to see me truly Happy. He was one of the reason why I stayed in the relationship with my ex. He wanted me to be married and I wanted to give him that. He wanted me to have everything his dad had. His dad is married and Justin wanted that for me. He would have talks with his Dad about me and my ex getting married. He would also talk about our fights and me not being happy. All he wanted was another Dad because he already had two moms. 😔

He knew I wasn't happy. I didn't think he knew, one because of his age ( he was 6 at the time) and two I thought I hid it well. When I finally chose me. He said to me. It's okay if you're not with Trey anymore I like that you're not arguing and that you're smiling again.

That meant the world to me. Because everything I do is for him. Every choice I make is so that I won't disappoint him. I know that's not reality. It took me some time to see that. We will disappoint our children because disappointment is apart of life. We have to teach them how to cope, adjust to it, then move forward. The one thing I know that I taught Justin from this situation is being happy and putting yourself first emotionally.

As parents we always make things about our children. Wanting to do and be the best for them. Not realizing that they could just want us to be Happy. Even though he wanted me to be married to Trey. Justin wanted me to be Happy first and if being Happy didn't include Trey he was okay with that. Through all of this I'm glad he had his dad to share his feelings with. His dad shared with me how Justin felt and that made my proud of my decision.

This post was suppose to be short and simple. As you can see I allowed my thoughts and words the chance to be. Now, getting back to the topic the little things. This conversation although I did not want to have with my ex, it allowed me to say how I always felt. He finally listened. I wished him well Thanked him.

I Thanked him because the relationship I had with him started me on my path to True Self Love and Self Forgiveness. Our conversation was a reminder of a place where I never want to go back to. I am truly happy where I am. 😊

I am no longer that young woman who changes herself so people can like or love her. I am the Woman I Want to Be and Was Destined to Be. I am Being Me.

It's The Little Things… it's not your typical little thing but it sure will have you reflecting.

Happy Monday 😘

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Sometimes we can get a little antsy with life. Take a step back and reevaluate yourself and realize that everything takes time. I’m guilty of wanting to rush what I want but when you wait what you wanted will be ten times grander than what it was before. So I’ll wait and continue to preservere while it manifest. 

Don’t Rush. Have Patience. Believe. Create. Manifest. 

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