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I forgot to mention!!!!!

In the 21 Days I will be consistent with my workout routine making it a new habit. I will be breaking my bad habit of eating unhealthy foods and eating late at night. Well I will eat things in moderation, which I do, come to think of it. It’s just when I’m emotional or exhausted I can tend to overeat in snacks.

I will also be consistent with my meditation routine, writing my blog, and working on my goals. I swear I get so entangled with the lives of others I don’t tend to my goals the way I should be.

I will write later about Day 1 and a Recap of D2!!!

Hope everyone is having a Great Day!

Blessings

Wish me Luck!!

The Sneaker Print.

I was pretty poetic back then. I still am. I just have written that way in a while. Recently, I was looking over Justin’s Birthday’s over the years and I found his first Birthday Thank You Card. I was a new mom didn’t have much money so I needed to cut cost. I was very creative and always had ideas. So I decided to make the Thank you cards instead of buying them and having to mail them out. I created a Poem, took Justin’s sneaker and placed his sneaker print inside the card and gave them a picture of him. Everyone loved it. They couldn’t believe I wrote the card and came up with it. People thought my mom did it being that she’s so creative as well. But it was all my handy work. 😊

Check it out below.

Justin at his first birthday party. It was a cookout. He was teething. He never cried or fussed, he just grabbed the ice and calmed his gums.

His 1 year old pic. We took this at Sears Portrait Studio. They fell in love with his smile. He loved smiling and taking pictures back then. Now! I can forget about taking a picture.

The Thank You Card, The picture above went inside the Card

The Message! ❤️💙

BELIEVE IT!

I AM ONE NOW

FORGET ABOUT THE PAST

WHEN I WAS JUST A BABY

YOU THOUGHT I WAS

SO CUTE AND SWEET

I COULDN’T WAIT FOR

THOSE DAYS TO BE OVER

BECAUSE I JUST LOVE

TO GET INTO EVERYTHING

I USE TO HEAR

OOHS! AND AHHS!

NOW I HEAR

NO’s AND UH OH’S

YOU MAY NOT HAVE

SEEN ME IN ACTION

SO I LEFT MY PRINT

FOR YOU TO IN VISION

THE B E A UTIFUL

SOUNDS OF MY

MOMMY SCREAMING

Written by Keena White 2004

The card. I had Justin help me color it by holding his hand. I originally wanted to use his foot print but Justin wasn’t fond of soft textures. So, the original plan didn’t pan out however I think the back up one came out well.

Oh the memories.

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The odds of her arriving on her due date are very rare but she is here. She was born on her cousins birthday, who’s mom happens to be her fathers twin.

8/30/17 Kennedi Rae

8/30/03 Justin Aryn

Their Parents Keith and Keena. I some how didn’t smile until I got older.

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Some decisions are hard to make but when you make your finally decision. There is nothing more rewarding than knowing you made the decision for you.

Justin had a hard decision to make two weeks ago. He wanted to join Marching Band for his first year of High School. Yup! I now have a high school student. He missed several practices in July due to going home for the summer with his Dad. So August 14 was his first day of March Band Camp, it was a long day and boy oh boy, was he exhausted. He complained and I calmly listened and told him to think about things and give Marching Band a chance at least for the first week. He agreed, prepared for the next day and then got ready for bed.

I felt a little uneasy when I woke up in the morning. Couldn’t put my finger on exactly why I was feeling that way until both Justin and I walked out the door. You see, marching band practice is right in our backyard. Well his old school is, it’s so close it only takes Justin two minutes to get there. As I’m walking to the car, Justin is walking to practice, my mommy radar kicked in on high alert. I knew I had to remain calm because he was in a crisis and he needed help deciding what to do.

So I took a deep breath and asked him what’s wrong. He said ” I’m late and I don’t want to get in trouble”, he’s breathing really fast while he’s saying this. He’s also hiding so they can’t see him. I said okay, “what would you like to do?”, He said ” I want to go home, I don’t think I want to do this anymore.” I gave him a hug and told him to go home and relax and to not worry about things I’ll email the teacher. He thanked me about a millions times 😊.

I emailed the teacher letting her know about Justin’s feelings, she asked if we can meet and I agreed. Before we can meet the teacher Justin received so many text messages from his band mates. Some messages was nice and some not so nice. I was pissed because these messages was making Justin’s decision even harder to make. I’ll admit so of his mates were supportive while others were very mean.

When I mentioned this to the Marching Band Teacher it was passed off as just kids being kids. I get that but we need to teach our children to be supportive and to not make other children feel bad about making decisions for their future. After talking to his past Band Teacher and now his current teacher Justin decided to stay.

He made the decision on his own. I took his phone away so he can clearly think without the criticism or judgment. I listened to his feelings and reservations about being apart of marching band. He was happy with his decision and for now decided to only do it this school year.

I’m proud he made the best decision for him.

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So, I've been told I talk too much. Which is true at times. It all depends on who I'm around or my comfort level. If I am not comfortable I won't say a word. If I am then you'll hear my mouth. I won't talk your ear off but I'll definitely like to hold a conversation.

Now, when asked to talk in front of a crowd of people my FEAR keeps my 🤐 SHUT. I would find ways to get out of having to talk to a room full of people. I can't say that I don't know why it is because I do. It all stems from my childhood. Hell, everything stems from our childhood or tragic moment, doesn't it. Im Just saying.

My fear of public speaking began when I was in the 3rd Grade. I'll admit it, I was a talker. I didn't shut up for nothing. I participated in plays. I was one of the first ones to raise my hand because I knew the answers, I always wanted to read for the class. I enjoyed expressing what I knew until it got me into trouble. When it was time for Parent Teacher Conferences my teacher told my mom the only issue she has with me is that I TALK TOO MUCH! My mother wasn't so happy with me. She gave me a long talk and told me to " Stop running your mouth in class, school is for you to learn not just for you to be running your mouth"

So, I listened and I stopped talking. My confidence went down. I didn't want to participate in any school plays or class room activities. My participation grade dropped drastically from that point on. Each school year it got worse. Even in college it was hard to do presentations because I became a nervous wreck when it came to talking in front of a class.

I remember being put into a class because they thought something was wrong with me. I was pulled out for some type of class. I believe it was a english or reading class where we had to read and go over things. It wasn't that I didn't know the work I just didn't have the drive to do it anymore. I didn't want to be the motor mouth or know it all anymore.

One year I was placed in a spelling bee challenge because I passed all my spelling test and I knew all the words. However, we had to go on a stage and prove in front of the entire school. I purposely spelled Spaghetti wrong so that I can sit down. I was laughed at because I spelled it wrong and boy oh boy I wasn't able to live it down. Little did they know I spelled it wrong on purpose. I knew all the words that was presented. I would have won the trophy but what was the point.

I know that sucks but it's what I told myself to make it through school (What was the point) . I still got good grades and made the Honor Roll but the one thing I didn't do well at anymore was classroom participation. In college I kinda made up for it because I had to talk but I made sure I sat in the back and I wasn't as noticeable. I'd do presentations first only so that I can get them over with. During a presentation my body goes through an anxiety attack. First it starts with my heart racing, followed by sweaty hands. Then, my mouth gets extremely dry. I can barely talk. I want to run and hide. It seems like time has slowed down and everyone is judging me. I can't take everyone looking at me. So I talk faster and faster. The professors always say " Keena slow down and take your time" I'd slow down briefly and then I speed up just so I can sit down and feel normal again.

My fear still remains the same. I still talk but like I said not as much and only when I'm comfortable. I plan on shifting my fear and talking as much as I want to so that I can educate people. I feel that speaking is apart of my life and who I am. I know it may bother some while others appreciate it. I don't talk to talk annoy people. I talk to express myself like everyone else

Slowly but surely I will reduce my fears. I will speak in front of large crowds and I will not care what others think. I'm here for a reason and Speaking is apart of my Purpose

Be You! Live Your Purpose! Overcome Your Fears!

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Today, We decided to food shop, clean, relax, play games, go to the movies, and do lunch. Which won't be all in that order but it's going to take place today.

He's so much taller than I am. I miss him being my size or smaller. I'm glad he's back home. I've missed him being home. He came back a little anxious about school and friendships but we worked out his worries. I make sure I make it easy for him to come to me with anything he has going on in his mind. I try my best not to be his therapist but be his Mom with a lot of understanding.

He appreciates it. I'm glad my own personal and professional growth has changed me enough to be a better person for him.

He will always be one of my reasons why I do what I do. I love being his Mom 😊

The Emoji Movies was good. Go Check it out.

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There's always room to grow. You just have to be willing to travel the road to get there.

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Years ago. Every summer I would plan a one or two week hide out or secret vacation for me and Justin. Sometimes I'd stay local and other times I went far. I wouldn't tell anyone where I was going. I would just go. I'd pack our things up and off we went to enjoy quiet time alone. I'd bring boat loads of books, snacks, and toys with me. I loved sitting in the sun to read. I made sure I wasn't as available but enough to be available if I was truly needed.

Taking time was my way of escaping our hectic daily routine. It was our get away from therapy, work, school work, and everyone. We needed these breaks because as I said before we had a hectic daily routine. Our day would began at 5am and end 9pm or 10pm.

I would awaken first because I knew getting Justin ready would take a great deal of time given his rituals of starring at the light and watching at least one of his shows repeatedly. He'd at least watch it 3 or 4 times by the time we left the house. It was also a struggle because of his sensory issue. Justin wasn't a fan of lotion or soft textures. So I would have to prepare myself for the screams and fighting he was about to do just because I needed to put lotion on him. I eventually became a pro because I started to get him dress while he was asleep and backwards, this way he didn't know what I was doing. It worked for a while.

Now it's time for breakfast. I never knew what he wanted to eat. So I would open the fridge and let him pick it. It was our way of communicating. Then I had to keep in mind after I made his food to leave the room. My little child did not want me to watch him eat or assist him with eating. If I stayed in the kitchen while he ate. The food would be all over the kitchen or he would have thrown it at me. So I'd leave right after making sure he was okay. After he finished eating he would come to me so I can cut the VCR on so that he can watch one of his shows. I'd put it on and take a few minutes to go over our day.

As mentioned, our days were long. While I was at work he was at school. Then after school and work, we had therapy. I say we because I learned just as much as he learned while in session. Justin had a therapy session every day after school. It was either, Speech, Occupational Therapy, or Play Therapy. We didn't live close to our appointments, so I'd have a lot of driving to do. Once the appointment was over, I'd have to drop Justin off home to my mom and then I was off to class. Yes, I said class. I was a full-time student for both my degrees. I don't know how I did it. I just did it. I'd go to class for about two to four hours depending on my schedule and what day of the week it was. Some days I'd have one class others I had two. I wouldn't get home until about 9 or 10 o'clock. Sometimes, Justin would be sleep and other times he would be wide awake. Justin needed to see me before going to bed. Seeing his face after a long day always made what I was doing for our future worth it.
This is why I planned get aways. I would plan them in the summer or right when I knew Justin was about to have a transition and I needed to prepare myself mentally for it. I hated transitions, Justin did too. I knew that the behaviors were coming. So I'd create the calm before the storm. It helped a great deal having that time alone right before things got out of hand. I liked to always be one step ahead. Even though one can never truly be one step ahead when dealing with unpredictable behaviors. I'm sure many parents can relate. During our time away. He played with his toys. We read books together. We put puzzles together. We went for walks. We went to the pool. It was a week with no electronics.

Which is why no one could get a hold of me. 😊
It was peaceful

I stopped our getaways when my family became concerned (My mom scolded me for going away and not saying anything 😔) and when Justin's Dad came back into the picture. I wish I hadn't because it stopped our mommy and son summer routine.

However, I plan to get it back. Starting this week. I will be using electronics here and there just so that I can post to the blog and get back on track with a few other things. Justin will be home on Sunday and I will be off for the next few weeks.

So we will have our time together 😍

Remember to always take time for you. There is nothing wrong with time alone. Just clear your head and get away.

Taking Time

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So,I was filling out a questionnaire for a website that provides you with activities that you can do with your child or students with disabilities. I was asked the question “What is my biggest challenge as a parent?” It didn’t take me long to answer it. My biggest challenge is my fear. Here’s my response 

My biggest challenge as a parent of a child with a disability is trusting the world around him. I fear that people will take advantage of the good qualities I’ve instilled in him. 

Because I don’t trust the world around him I place a lot of restrictions on him. I know it’s not fair but it’s my way of keeping him safe as long as I can.  

What’s your biggest challenge as a parent?