Keena's Moments

Day to Day

These past few weeks have been really challenging for the both of us. We knew Justin’s in-home counseling services would end soon. However, we were not expecting my new diagnosis. At least I was not expecting it.  I knew that I wasn’t feeling like myself but dismissed it as the day to day hormonal things women go through. The thing is my hormones are usually balanced and I am never really irritable because of my meditation practices. I am typically a calm person who has their moments from time to time, but they are very seldom.

I do not like how I feel. I feel like I do not know myself. Its hard to focus on meditating when your mind and body wants to run all day long. I was truly depressed recently. I have been upset that I had a hard time sitting down to write a post. It took me one week to write one post when normally it takes me several hours to write three. As I said before, my body would shake uncontrollably making it hard to type and or write. I would lose my train of thought when I was writing and would forget to sit down and write. I was irritable with myself and  especially angry at my symptoms. I know that what I have been experiencing is all due to my diagnosis. I am happy to say I am finally on medicine and my symptoms are being maintained. In a few weeks I will have to come off my medicine so more tests can be run to find out the root cause of my condition. I know I will not be happy about it but I plan on finding things that I can do to reduce my symptoms. So far I found foods that will reduce my  thyroid gland from producing too much hormone. Also, meditation will help me during those moments to when I want to pull my hair out.

This is a new journey for not only me, but for Justin. On top of dealing with me and my moods he has been dealing with the lost of his counselor and behavioral assistant. It seemed like all of the strategies that were taught to him went straight out the door the day following their last day. He’s been in a bad mood and everything someone says to him at school annoys him. I’ll admit I have been annoyed with his moodiness. It’s hard dealing with your child’s emotions while you’re trying to maintain your own emotions that you have no control over. I’ve apologized to  Justin several time for my “ I’m not having that ” rants. I am blessed that he understands what I am going through.

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Reflections

A Mother’s Love

In honor of Mother’s Day, I decided to write a post thanking the many moms in my life who supported me during my hardest times.  Justin’s diagnosis was not something I took easily. It was some of the hardest news I had to take. Although, sometimes  I thought I was alone on my journey, somehow I always knew that I had a support team like no other. Thank You Fellow Moms!!

First,  I would like to thank my mother. She stood by side no matter what I went through. She listened even when I didn’t speak, but knew exactly what I needed. She’s the confidant that both Justin and I need. I love the relationship she has with Justin. Since his birth she’s always protected him. However, since his diagnosis, she has been his bodyguard. She made sure no harm whatsoever was inflicted on him. Because of her love, she is his best friend. She’s his go to person. He loves her just as much as I do. She is, as I call her, “The love of his life”.

Next, I would like to thank my sisters. They were both moms before me. I’m the youngest sister. I learned a lot about motherhood from watching them with their children. I also learned by playing the auntie role. When Justin was diagnosed they both were there in their own way. They provided me with support that I will never forget. They were my strength during the times I did not want to be strong. They encouraged me when I needed encouraging. They stepped in while I was in school studying for my Bachelors and Masters. I’m so grateful for them.

Now, I would like to thank my aunts, female cousins, and girlfriends for being distantly there. They knew how to be there by giving me my space. Because I am not that open with my  feelings, they knew time is what I needed most. I needed time to myself to process what I was going through. Talking about it only would make me feel worse.  So, I preferred not to speak until now. Again, I thank my aunts, cousins, and friends for being there to listen for when I was ready to talk.

Finally, I send a special thank you to the moms I’ve had a chance to meet and converse with thus far. It was these random talks that helped me reflect on my life. I realized how blessed I was and still am. I realize things might have gone completely differently had a chose a other ways of handling things. I am truly grateful for each moment and each person. Thank you!

Happy Mothers Day!!

Justin and My Mom   

 

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