Many say that I am defiant. Defiant in both a good and bad way.
It’s just… I like doing the opposite of what people say that I shouldn’t do or can’t do.
My defiance is what helps me defy the odds.
My defiance is a good quality I possess because I will defy any odd by not listening to what people think I should do or suggest how I should live my life.
I am Defiant and Proud. ~ DoctorK
In life everything is a give and take or some form of trade off. If there is no equal give and take, or trade off then then an unbalance occurs. When an unbalance occurs, balance seeks order. It’s seeks order not to control but so that all things are fair.
I’m feeling a little off balanced. I have been feeling this way for a few months now. I realized why this week and I’m finally starting to do something about it. I haven’t focused on myself the way I should be. I’ve been focused on being there for people emotionally and physically that I have stopped being there for myself. I cannot fault or blame them for my feelings of unbalance simply because I allow it. I allow my need for always wanting to be there for others overshadow what I need to do for myself.
My goal now is to get balanced and focus on me.
Happy Saturday!
Are you balanced?!
So here’s an update of my progress.
So far I’m down 4lbs in 8 days. 😊👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾. I’m very proud of myself. I believed I’ve hit a plateau but I guess I did not. I’m glad to see progress no matter how small it is. So I am now 232. My goal is 210 by my birthday in 27 days. I may not reach the goal by my target 🎯 date but it will be reached no matter what. I won’t give up on myself.
I still have been eating late and that’s only because I haven’t been eating much during the day. But I have been working out, Meditating, and Practicing Mindfulness daily. It feels good to be consistent with things and make the changes I wish to make for myself.
Continue to wish me luck!!! I’ll be back with an update in a few day 
So over the past months now. I’ve been making necessary changes to my life and routines. I’m eating clean now, working out more, meditating daily (sometimes I don’t because I don’t make time for it but now I’m back on track). I’ve gotten my hyperthyroidism together so now my focus back. When my levels are up I lose all my focus and become really irritable. My heart rate is always racing, pressure is up, and I’m mean as all hell.
My heart rate when my levels are up. I know not good at all. I was just sitting down.
I’ve been stable for the past five months now. I truly believe it’s due to me reducing what causes me stress and changing my eating habits. My skin is clearer 
I have a lot more energy and I feel like my old self. I’m praying I can continue my progress. Let me rephrase that, I’m confident I will continue with my progress. This is all a part of my growth.
I know many do not agree with me stopping all of my medication but I have not needed them and have chosen a holistic path to my healing. I believe that this was the route for me to go being that during the time the doctors was suppose to give me radiation to shrink my thyroid my blood work can back normal so they did not need to give me the radiation. They can only give you radiation if your level as are high. My levels in a matter of a few days normalized and they explained to me that, that what happened to me has never happened before so I’d said it was definitely a sign.
I’ve read and heard many horror stories about having the thyroid removed and getting radiation. I was advised not go to through with it but I thought maybe I should being that I couldn’t control my symptoms. It appears the universe had a different plan for me. I’m glad things worked out the way they did. My doctor wasn’t too happy. He wanted me to still take medicine when my levels wasn’t up. The Physician assistant was trying to talk to him and tell him that he should allow me to go an all natural way if that’s my choosing being that research shows it can go away naturally. He was not having it and neither was I. I haven’t been back since. I only see my primary doctor now. He listens to my concerns and allows me to take the best approach for me while monitoring my health.
Make sure you get a doctor who listens and not tell you what to do.
I’ve also stopped putting harsh Chemicals in my hair. I’m all natural. No more relaxers that will fry my scalp and brain. 😍.
Relax vs. Natural.
I’m loving the skin I’m in.
Some decisions are hard to make but when you make your finally decision. There is nothing more rewarding than knowing you made the decision for you.
Justin had a hard decision to make two weeks ago. He wanted to join Marching Band for his first year of High School. Yup! I now have a high school student. He missed several practices in July due to going home for the summer with his Dad. So August 14 was his first day of March Band Camp, it was a long day and boy oh boy, was he exhausted. He complained and I calmly listened and told him to think about things and give Marching Band a chance at least for the first week. He agreed, prepared for the next day and then got ready for bed.
I felt a little uneasy when I woke up in the morning. Couldn’t put my finger on exactly why I was feeling that way until both Justin and I walked out the door. You see, marching band practice is right in our backyard. Well his old school is, it’s so close it only takes Justin two minutes to get there. As I’m walking to the car, Justin is walking to practice, my mommy radar kicked in on high alert. I knew I had to remain calm because he was in a crisis and he needed help deciding what to do.
So I took a deep breath and asked him what’s wrong. He said ” I’m late and I don’t want to get in trouble”, he’s breathing really fast while he’s saying this. He’s also hiding so they can’t see him. I said okay, “what would you like to do?”, He said ” I want to go home, I don’t think I want to do this anymore.” I gave him a hug and told him to go home and relax and to not worry about things I’ll email the teacher. He thanked me about a millions times 😊.
I emailed the teacher letting her know about Justin’s feelings, she asked if we can meet and I agreed. Before we can meet the teacher Justin received so many text messages from his band mates. Some messages was nice and some not so nice. I was pissed because these messages was making Justin’s decision even harder to make. I’ll admit so of his mates were supportive while others were very mean.
When I mentioned this to the Marching Band Teacher it was passed off as just kids being kids. I get that but we need to teach our children to be supportive and to not make other children feel bad about making decisions for their future. After talking to his past Band Teacher and now his current teacher Justin decided to stay.
He made the decision on his own. I took his phone away so he can clearly think without the criticism or judgment. I listened to his feelings and reservations about being apart of marching band. He was happy with his decision and for now decided to only do it this school year.
I’m proud he made the best decision for him.
Set a goal and just accomplish it. All goals will not be easy to accomplish but as long as you try and make a way to make your goal happen you will be victorious.
Happy Saturday!!
" I'm proud of you"… Not to many people will let you know that they are proud of you. Because you accomplish so much they feel that you should automatically be proud of yourself. It's not that you're not proud of yourself. It sometimes just mean the world to hear it from those you love, care about, or is proud of too. To hear these words from a good friend meant the world to me today. It wasn't much but it was everything. My friendship with this person reminded me of why I push so hard to be where I am today and where I will be in the future. I refuse to give up. It's okay to let people know you're rooting for them and you're proud of them. We don't say it enough to each other.
So, I've been told I talk too much. Which is true at times. It all depends on who I'm around or my comfort level. If I am not comfortable I won't say a word. If I am then you'll hear my mouth. I won't talk your ear off but I'll definitely like to hold a conversation.
Now, when asked to talk in front of a crowd of people my FEAR keeps my 🤐 SHUT. I would find ways to get out of having to talk to a room full of people. I can't say that I don't know why it is because I do. It all stems from my childhood. Hell, everything stems from our childhood or tragic moment, doesn't it. Im Just saying.
My fear of public speaking began when I was in the 3rd Grade. I'll admit it, I was a talker. I didn't shut up for nothing. I participated in plays. I was one of the first ones to raise my hand because I knew the answers, I always wanted to read for the class. I enjoyed expressing what I knew until it got me into trouble. When it was time for Parent Teacher Conferences my teacher told my mom the only issue she has with me is that I TALK TOO MUCH! My mother wasn't so happy with me. She gave me a long talk and told me to " Stop running your mouth in class, school is for you to learn not just for you to be running your mouth"
So, I listened and I stopped talking. My confidence went down. I didn't want to participate in any school plays or class room activities. My participation grade dropped drastically from that point on. Each school year it got worse. Even in college it was hard to do presentations because I became a nervous wreck when it came to talking in front of a class.
I remember being put into a class because they thought something was wrong with me. I was pulled out for some type of class. I believe it was a english or reading class where we had to read and go over things. It wasn't that I didn't know the work I just didn't have the drive to do it anymore. I didn't want to be the motor mouth or know it all anymore.
One year I was placed in a spelling bee challenge because I passed all my spelling test and I knew all the words. However, we had to go on a stage and prove in front of the entire school. I purposely spelled Spaghetti wrong so that I can sit down. I was laughed at because I spelled it wrong and boy oh boy I wasn't able to live it down. Little did they know I spelled it wrong on purpose. I knew all the words that was presented. I would have won the trophy but what was the point.
I know that sucks but it's what I told myself to make it through school (What was the point) . I still got good grades and made the Honor Roll but the one thing I didn't do well at anymore was classroom participation. In college I kinda made up for it because I had to talk but I made sure I sat in the back and I wasn't as noticeable. I'd do presentations first only so that I can get them over with. During a presentation my body goes through an anxiety attack. First it starts with my heart racing, followed by sweaty hands. Then, my mouth gets extremely dry. I can barely talk. I want to run and hide. It seems like time has slowed down and everyone is judging me. I can't take everyone looking at me. So I talk faster and faster. The professors always say " Keena slow down and take your time" I'd slow down briefly and then I speed up just so I can sit down and feel normal again.
My fear still remains the same. I still talk but like I said not as much and only when I'm comfortable. I plan on shifting my fear and talking as much as I want to so that I can educate people. I feel that speaking is apart of my life and who I am. I know it may bother some while others appreciate it. I don't talk to talk annoy people. I talk to express myself like everyone else
Slowly but surely I will reduce my fears. I will speak in front of large crowds and I will not care what others think. I'm here for a reason and Speaking is apart of my Purpose
Be You! Live Your Purpose! Overcome Your Fears!
I can't believe in a years time Justin has grown to be my height all the way up to a few inches shy of his fathers height. The doctor did say that Justin would get taller but I thought I had some time being that boys stop growing at 19. Also, because Justin was my height, I knew it's going to take some time for him to get taller than me. It didn't dawn on me that it would happen in the matter of minutes. This time last year Justin was 5'3 1/2" now he is roughly 6'0. That's a lot of inches in one year. I swear I wanted to cry because it seemed like I was buying new clothes every other month. Thank God, his feet didn't grow much 😊.
Check out his growth. Justin with his Father.
Jan/Feb 2016 June 2017
In the Night of the Moon.
She Embraced her Inner and Outer Beauty.
She Fell in Love with Herself.
For it was not easy to Love Every Aspect of her Skin.
But She Learned and Slowly Allowed Her Feelings To Be.
She Knew that She must First Adore Herself Within.
Now that She's in Love.
She Can't Seem to Let Go Of
All She's Was Destined to Become
All Because She Fell In Love With Herself.
Autism Psychology Spirituality 