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So, I've been told I talk too much. Which is true at times. It all depends on who I'm around or my comfort level. If I am not comfortable I won't say a word. If I am then you'll hear my mouth. I won't talk your ear off but I'll definitely like to hold a conversation.

Now, when asked to talk in front of a crowd of people my FEAR keeps my 🤐 SHUT. I would find ways to get out of having to talk to a room full of people. I can't say that I don't know why it is because I do. It all stems from my childhood. Hell, everything stems from our childhood or tragic moment, doesn't it. Im Just saying.

My fear of public speaking began when I was in the 3rd Grade. I'll admit it, I was a talker. I didn't shut up for nothing. I participated in plays. I was one of the first ones to raise my hand because I knew the answers, I always wanted to read for the class. I enjoyed expressing what I knew until it got me into trouble. When it was time for Parent Teacher Conferences my teacher told my mom the only issue she has with me is that I TALK TOO MUCH! My mother wasn't so happy with me. She gave me a long talk and told me to " Stop running your mouth in class, school is for you to learn not just for you to be running your mouth"

So, I listened and I stopped talking. My confidence went down. I didn't want to participate in any school plays or class room activities. My participation grade dropped drastically from that point on. Each school year it got worse. Even in college it was hard to do presentations because I became a nervous wreck when it came to talking in front of a class.

I remember being put into a class because they thought something was wrong with me. I was pulled out for some type of class. I believe it was a english or reading class where we had to read and go over things. It wasn't that I didn't know the work I just didn't have the drive to do it anymore. I didn't want to be the motor mouth or know it all anymore.

One year I was placed in a spelling bee challenge because I passed all my spelling test and I knew all the words. However, we had to go on a stage and prove in front of the entire school. I purposely spelled Spaghetti wrong so that I can sit down. I was laughed at because I spelled it wrong and boy oh boy I wasn't able to live it down. Little did they know I spelled it wrong on purpose. I knew all the words that was presented. I would have won the trophy but what was the point.

I know that sucks but it's what I told myself to make it through school (What was the point) . I still got good grades and made the Honor Roll but the one thing I didn't do well at anymore was classroom participation. In college I kinda made up for it because I had to talk but I made sure I sat in the back and I wasn't as noticeable. I'd do presentations first only so that I can get them over with. During a presentation my body goes through an anxiety attack. First it starts with my heart racing, followed by sweaty hands. Then, my mouth gets extremely dry. I can barely talk. I want to run and hide. It seems like time has slowed down and everyone is judging me. I can't take everyone looking at me. So I talk faster and faster. The professors always say " Keena slow down and take your time" I'd slow down briefly and then I speed up just so I can sit down and feel normal again.

My fear still remains the same. I still talk but like I said not as much and only when I'm comfortable. I plan on shifting my fear and talking as much as I want to so that I can educate people. I feel that speaking is apart of my life and who I am. I know it may bother some while others appreciate it. I don't talk to talk annoy people. I talk to express myself like everyone else

Slowly but surely I will reduce my fears. I will speak in front of large crowds and I will not care what others think. I'm here for a reason and Speaking is apart of my Purpose

Be You! Live Your Purpose! Overcome Your Fears!

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A year ago I was diagnosed with Hyperthyriodism. It’s a condition that runs in the family and apparently a lot of my friends wish they had because when your levels are up you can eat whatever you want but never gain weight. You’ll actually lose several pounds in a day. The most I lost in a day was 7lbs and I’m a week Some people with Hyperthyriodism do but I don’t. The like the weightloss aspect of the disease but I don’t think they could handle having insomnia, racing heart beat, hot flashes, and the wonderful bouts of itching and rashes. Oh wait I for got feeling anxious and a little depressed. 

Which is why I’m writing this post. I spoke to a really good friend who knows me well and loves to agree to disagree with me. I was telling her how I’ve been feeling lately and how I can’t shake feeling sad all the time. I then realized it’s been this way since September. So she’s suggesting I go see my doctor. Of course I’m disagreeing with her and saying maybe I need to see a therapist. I then proceed to tell her how stressed out I’ve been due to party planning and all the other responsibilities I have to take care of. She then says I bet it’s your thyroid levels that’s making you feel like that. A  💡 bulb went off and I realized it makes so much sense. I’ve been trying all natural remedies to control my condition and so far it’s been working. However, when you add on stress and driking too much caffeine it’s a disaster waiting to happen. My levels are still up and I do have my prescribed medicine on hand. So I’ll take them until I get better. 

Sometimes you need that one friend to remind you of what you should already know and realize. 

Thanks Lori!!! 

I love you. It was fun agreeing to disagree with you. True friends can do that with you.